Fragility breeds…

Well I don’t know what it breeds to be honest. I just got a shock when Barber’s Adagio for Strings came on the media player and I burst into tears right there and then. I know I’m fragile at the moment but I’m also aware of how much I hide that around Etina. There’s enough going on at the moment without me losing it when she needs me the most.

I think by not writing about it I am making it worse and that’s why I thought I’d have a bit more of a personal day on LJ today. I have much good news in terms of Morrígan Books right now but hey, what’s a few days between friends?

I’m still trying to make sense of it all, that my brother has been taken away and so brutally too. I have tried to write about it but the words don’t come, it is not its time or place yet. That’s why it’s been harder writing it here too, just a sense of a really difficult jigsaw with lots of fiddly pieces that don’t make any sense. I’ll sit down soon and make sure I get all the edge pieces as that always helps.

I’ve been cranky, and hard work at times recently and there are many reasons for that. I am safe in the knowledge that those I have been the worse with know why and accept that. These are stages we all face.

One thing I’ve been pleased with is that people aren’t going around on eggshells with me as much as they are with Etina. There have been a few moments of skating around the subject but not much. There’s not much I can’t take and if I think you’ve made an insensitive comment I’ll probably tell you – not that I think you would though.

I’ve had a few people joining in to the blog that is recently and only one waving goodbye and so I must be doing something right (or rightish).

I’ve been thinking about doing a poll for a little bit of a re-vamp on here but just haven’t got around to it. Feeling like changing a bit of furniture about, that kind of thing, you know spring cleaning, it’s good for the soul.

Oh music, that’s what I was here for! This year’s not been the best so far for new music and nostalgia rushes have hit me full force. The biggest recipient of this has been The God Machine, who I’ve been playing non-stop of late. It was only the other day I realised lead man of the machine had gone off and done his own thing, Sophia, which I’ve been getting to know too. Nowhere near the level of the machine but some stuff really stands out.

Joy Division have been getting some well earned listens in there too and it’s been fun realising what a truly great year 2005 actually was for music, as I’ve been digging a lot of them out for a listen.

We had Maddoc’s first ever parents’ evening last night. Heh, that was fun, finding out what he likes to do and doesn’t like to do when we’re not around. Apparently he loves bell pepper (capsicum, paprika) and is Mr. Cheese there (I wonder who he takes after on that one!) He also loves lying in water, rather than stamping in it (in the yard) and is a bit lazy when he can be (oops, memories of ‘Mark’s theory is: why write 100 words if you can say it in 50’ spring to mind).

We’re off to an Easter evening tonight with him at nursery to have the joy of meeting other parents…

That’s after I’ve had a run with the wife.

That enough personal for you all for now? Is it? (Work soon though…)

Miss you Fuat (three months today)


About Mark S. Deniz

English teacher, writer, editor, publisher, reviewer and blogger. Founder of publishing company, Morrigan Books and imprint, Gilgamesh Press and editor-in-chief for review site, Beyond Fiction. Also cycles, plays floorball, listens to lots and lots of music, reads a ton of books and tries to fit in some TV, film and writing too. View all posts by Mark S. Deniz

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