It seems as though I may well be going back into therapy.
I’ve been there once before (in 98 funnily enough, throwing up considerations of a ten year cycle) and went due to one thing: that I felt that as a completely honest and open person, I was hiding things from myself.
When you start that tactic things get very strange. I have been honest with my feelings of being betrayed by a close friend, that that former friend is now still blaming me in public for her own failures is not as big a deal as it should be for other things are demanding more attention.
We took Maddoc to the summer house we are going to be staying in for five days in a couple of weeks and I was disjointed the whole time I was there. I couldn’t communicate with people for more than a few minutes without running out of stuff to say. I’ve always been okay in basic social situations but seem to have lost the need/desire lately. I seem to be counting time and feeling that this is not worth it.
We have not had a single friend in this flat since before 11th December 2007. It makes sense in one way but makes this place seem very isolated in another.
I haven’t been writing much, even after receiving two invitations to submit and I’m wondering if here is where my natural therapy lies…
Write you idiot! And more of these kind of journal entries – I need them!