Not a day for me

Mostly today was about bikes, trivial I know but indicative of so much more.

Today started with an argument about a bike, me feeling like enough was enough and if there is a desire to live in an equal society (I took half of the parent leave for Maddoc, I cook, I clean, etc.) then she can damn well learn how to pump up tyres on a bicycle.

It’s one thing to ask me to repair a puncture when something serious has happened but because she couldn’t be bothered pumping it up and then got a puncture because of it? I said what I wanted to say, and yes I felt guilty about it, and still do, but I can’t bite my lip all year, for every little thing… or can I?

I know I should, I know I should whilst writing this but I couldn’t, today I just wanted to shout out ‘I’m a real person too’, for that’s how I felt. How I feel.

I know all is going well with Morrigan Books, hell half of you reading this work there with me in some form or other so how can it not be. It’s just that I took on too much, I took on too much due to not being able to grieve for my brother-in-law. I took on the distractions and now the distraction is hindering the situation.

And now I feel guilty for putting more pressure on you all than you need/want/deserve. It’s a bloody vicious circle and 2009 will see changes in this area too. This is a project worth savouring, worth enjoying and I’m not doing that right now. I want to and I know I should but…

I booked my flights and car and accommodation for FantasyCon and feel better about that, that feels good. Getting the books ready will see me right, I know it will.

If only my racer inner tube hadn’t exploded again today (like it did two weeks ago).


About Mark S. Deniz

English teacher, writer, editor, publisher, reviewer and blogger. Founder of publishing company, Morrigan Books and imprint, Gilgamesh Press. Also cycles, listens to lots and lots of music, reads a ton of books and tries to fit in some TV, film and writing too. View all posts by Mark S. Deniz

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