Stage one of the nothingness

Decided to update here and then realised I have about five minutes before I go and pick up the boy. We are off for a mundane shopping trip and then to do whatever he wants to before bed. I’m looking forward to this as this will be the best part of the day.

I don’t get it, I have a pretty swish looking business, a wife I adore, a son who makes my day so often and some lovely friends around me. In terms of where you should be in life, I’m looking pretty good, as my best friend said, ‘you’re living the dream Mark’.

Cool, so why do I feel so fucking empty?

I don’t know what’s going on but I’m not happy, I’m not rolling with it, I’m just attaching myself to all the stuff that has gone wrong recently and focusing on that. I want to say, ‘just concentrate on the good stuff’ of which there is masses and I know you would say the same.

But I’m not. I need to think long and hard about where I’m going and what the bloody hell I want. I have a baby on the way in three weeks and I don’t want to become a father again whilst like this. Hell I don’t want Etina and Maddoc to have to deal with me like this either.

Right, off to pick the heir up, I hope to continue this later, as much for me as for you…

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About Mark S. Deniz

English teacher, writer, editor, publisher, reviewer and blogger. Founder of publishing company, Morrigan Books and imprint, Gilgamesh Press and editor-in-chief for review site, Beyond Fiction. Also cycles, plays floorball, listens to lots and lots of music, reads a ton of books and tries to fit in some TV, film and writing too. View all posts by Mark S. Deniz

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